The More Loving One - by Avril Carson

I’ve been at the Edinburgh festival, steeped in the excitement of all manner of comedy, drama, artistic and creative expression. But something that has stayed with me is Alexander Mc Call Smith quoting a line of Auden: “Let the more loving one be me”. (In fact he answered it to a rather strange question about choosing a line to be tattooed on his hand). I found the poem on the internet as soon as I arrived home and loved the context of the line that preceded it:

“If equal affection cannot be
Let the more loving one be me”

I knew it would not be Auden’s intention to suggest that there could be solace in any moral high ground and superiority in such an intention. But on reading the whole poem it was clear that Auden is speaking profoundly about our daily experience. Indifference, Auden writes, is the least we have to fear and the poem has additional themes to the one I consider here. However, knowing other people will not always like us or love us or even tolerate us, indeed that they may judge us, undermine us and even reject us, Auden reminded me to think again. What if someone else has started an argument? So what if they should have done or said anything differently? Our complicit reactivity, as a friend of mine said recently, is the way that wars begin.

I’ve been taking this very personally and loving the power of the line quoted above whenever I have recalled it to mind. The effects are delightful and heartwarming and as I feel a lighter energy, I’m aware of a profound change. At one level it’s so obvious; we all know the power of this already. It’s at the heart of most of the world religions but as we live out the daily drama, our politics and our personal decisions seem to lose their way. We start to make up a different story, one where there is someone who is right and therefore someone who is wrong. Someone who is more important and therefore someone who is less important, and so on as we then act it all out in a very different drama of recrimination and justification.

So if it’s useful what can we do to remember?
“If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving one be me.”

To read the poem in full, click HERE.