Coaching Success – Making personal development a key strategic priority

by Ben Renshaw, Co-Director of Success Intelligence

A key principle of Success Intelligence coaching is, ‘Some people go through life, whilst others grow through life’. The choice is yours. However, in today’s climate of unpredictable change, the difference between success and failure can lie in how you prioritise your own personal development.

Every organisation I work with, such as BAA, the world’s leading airport company, or Premier Foods, the UK’s largest food provider, is investing more time, energy and resource into developing their greatest asset – their people. The cynicism that used to accompany leadership and management development programs is a thing of the past. In fact the tide has turned so much that development is now seen as a competitive advantage, including having a personal coach.

So how do you prioritise your personal development when you’ve got an overflowing inbox, a multitude of deadlines and challenging customers to serve? Well, here are 3 ideas to support your learning and development:

1. Vision for success. John is director of retail for a leading high street brand. I was invited to coach him in taking his next step. When I asked John how he had reached his current position, he responded by saying, ‘long hours’. However, he recognised that this was not sustainable going forward as he had a young family, and a recent 360 feedback exercise had pointed to the fact that people were looking to him for greater imagination and creativity, not more graft. We started our coaching program with the question, ‘What is success in your work, life and relationships?’ John was flawed. He realised that although he had worked hard to be successful, he hadn’t worked out what real success was for him. Before you get busy doing lots of stuff, stop and work out what success is for you. Ask yourself, ‘What is my definition of success?’ ‘What difference do I want to make in my work, life and relationships?’ What is most important to me?’ What do I really enjoy?’

2. Commit to your priorities. Once you have greater clarity about success you can then focus on what will help you to be truly successful. One of the biggest blocks I hear from my clients is that they are unable to prioritise what's most important due to a lack of time. We forget that we cannot manage time, we manage priorities. As we know there are only 24 hours in a day, therefore your time has to be influenced by what’s going to be most valuable. I remember a lawyer telling me that the most challenging time in his life was weaning himself off his long hours (when you’re billing in 6 minute units this is really tough). His fellow partners thought he’d lost the plot when he took 2 weeks to step back from his practice and re-evaluate how he was going to work going forward. When he did come back he discovered a renewed passion and vitality for his work, he deepened his relationships with clients and colleagues and most importantly, his family got to know him again. Ask yourself, ‘What are my key priorities to help me be successful?’

3. Ask for support. I have just returned to work following the birth of my third child. After completing my first meeting with my team members at Success Intelligence, I realised that I could feel the heat was on with the amount of work I had in the pipeline and the increased challenges at home. I couldn’t just keep doing what I had been doing prior to this change. So I asked the team for help. Specifically I requested that they give me feedback about how they see me respond to pressure and how I can be more effective. The response blew me away. The team spontaneously reached out to me and offered me great insight that will make a big difference to how I perform going forward. My friend, Robert Holden created a great motto for our sister project on happiness (www.behappy.net) ‘If you are alive you need help’. Don’t be too proud to reach out to your family, friends and colleagues and ask them to give you the support that will support your success.

5 Key Measures of REAL Success

I’m in Milan, Italy today coaching a team of leaders who are responsible for three global brands that are each the No.1 brand in their field.

We began the day by reviewing the question, “What is success?”  As ever, the conversation was interesting, informative, and helpful.  “What is success?” is a good question.  After that, we explored the question, “What is REAL success?”  This time the conversation went to a whole new level.  It was illuminating, energizing, and revelatory.  “What is REAL success?” is a great question.

Exploring “What is REAL success?” is an invitation to dive deeper into what really moves you, inspires you, touches you, engages you, and helps you to feel most alive and on purpose.  I love this question.  To finish the session, we each made a list of 5 key measures that help us to identify REAL success.  Here are my five measures:

1.    Love:  Love is success.  Love is happiness. Love is my purpose.  Love is the whole point of everything.  And whatever I do, I do it for love.  The more loving I am, the more successful I feel.

2.    Oneness:  I feel an abiding sense of oneness with my creator, with my soul, with my family, with my friends, with humanity, and with nature.  I am inspired and sustained by Oneness.

3.    Forgiveness: I gladly let go of all grievances, regrets, wounds, rejections, and disappointments that happened once upon a time.    Forgiveness helps me to live in the present tense.

4.    Grace: I notice how I am helped everyday – by angels seen and unseen - in a hundred thousand different ways. Right place; right time. I gladly accept the universal help that is always on offer to me.

5.    Gratitude: I don’t wait for my life to get better before I start to practice gratitude.  The more grateful I am, the wealthier I feel. Gratitude is a miracle because it shows me thatit’s all here now.

OK, those are my five measures.  Writing them down feels great.  Totally affirming.  Now it’s your turn.  What are your five key measures that help you to identify REAL success?  Grab a pen and paper, and start writing.  

10 Symptoms of Entrepreneurial Spirit

If someone was to ask you, “Are you an entrepreneur?” what would you say?
“Yes” or “No?”
“Maybe” is not an option.
If your answer is “Yes,” how so?
What makes you an entrepreneur?
Be specific now!
How would you describe the tell-tale signs of entrepreneurial spirit in you?

If your answer is “No,” I recommend that you take a closer look at your life, your work, and your relationships. Maybe entrepreneurship is so natural to you that you haven’t thought of giving a name to it. It’s just who you are; and you just do it!

On September 23rd, I will present a master-class on Unconditional Success & Happiness to the Inspired Entrepreneur Group, in central London. I am particularly excited about this event, as my long-time friend Nick Williams is one of the founders of the Inspired Entrepreneur Group. Nick is one of the world’s most eloquent and passionate thought-leaders on inspiration, purpose, and, entrepreneurship. Nick not only talks and writes about inspiration; he is an inspiration. Anyone who has met Nick, will tell you so.

So what is an entrepreneur? It sounds a bit French, doesn’t it! And what is the entrepreneurial spirit? Well, here are ten symptoms that I have come up with which might help you to recognize it in you and release it even more into our life.

Ten Symptoms of Entrepreneurial Spirit

1. An entrepreneur knows that the real world is made up not of particles, but possibility.
2. An entrepreneur sees that the world is a cause, and we are the effect.
3. An entrepreneur realizes that you have to be what you want in order to get what you want.
4. An entrepreneur doesn’t get caught up in the search for happiness; they simply follow their joy.
5. An entrepreneur doesn’t have a job; they have a purpose.
6. An entrepreneur doesn’t wait for life to happen; they begin.
7. An entrepreneur has a basic trust that all honest endeavours receive a grant of unconditional universal support.
8. An entrepreneur rides the creative waves of the cosmos, and sometimes they fall off, but they always get back on again.
9. An entrepreneur prays for help every step of the way.
10. An entrepreneur participates wholeheartedly in the miracle of creation and this is what helps them to grow.

The More Loving One - by Avril Carson

I’ve been at the Edinburgh festival, steeped in the excitement of all manner of comedy, drama, artistic and creative expression. But something that has stayed with me is Alexander Mc Call Smith quoting a line of Auden: “Let the more loving one be me”. (In fact he answered it to a rather strange question about choosing a line to be tattooed on his hand). I found the poem on the internet as soon as I arrived home and loved the context of the line that preceded it:

“If equal affection cannot be
Let the more loving one be me”

I knew it would not be Auden’s intention to suggest that there could be solace in any moral high ground and superiority in such an intention. But on reading the whole poem it was clear that Auden is speaking profoundly about our daily experience. Indifference, Auden writes, is the least we have to fear and the poem has additional themes to the one I consider here. However, knowing other people will not always like us or love us or even tolerate us, indeed that they may judge us, undermine us and even reject us, Auden reminded me to think again. What if someone else has started an argument? So what if they should have done or said anything differently? Our complicit reactivity, as a friend of mine said recently, is the way that wars begin.

I’ve been taking this very personally and loving the power of the line quoted above whenever I have recalled it to mind. The effects are delightful and heartwarming and as I feel a lighter energy, I’m aware of a profound change. At one level it’s so obvious; we all know the power of this already. It’s at the heart of most of the world religions but as we live out the daily drama, our politics and our personal decisions seem to lose their way. We start to make up a different story, one where there is someone who is right and therefore someone who is wrong. Someone who is more important and therefore someone who is less important, and so on as we then act it all out in a very different drama of recrimination and justification.

So if it’s useful what can we do to remember?
“If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving one be me.”

To read the poem in full, click HERE.

Poem: Prizes of NOW

Hello Monday morning!
It's the start of the week. Just another week, or, maybe a brand new week. Our choice, I imagine. Monday mornings are the perfect time to think again about what is success and what is happiness. Ten minutes is enough to clear the mind, to listen to your heart, and to align yourself with what is truly important. But I urge you to do it before the busyness kicks in and before the daily rush takes you away from yourself. Do it now. To support you in your meditation here is a poem I wrote called "Prizes of NOW."


This constant busyness is not really
my life.

The urge to keep moving forward
is not it either.

The daily schedule is mostly a
distraction, truth be told.

If I was to stop, I mean really stop,
I fear I might lose my way. But I
am already lost.

If I was to stop, I mean totally stop,
I fear I might fall apart. But my
life is already in pieces.

If I was stop, stop, stop,
I fear I might die.
And yet, because I will not stop,
I fear I am not really alive.

It’s in the spaces that exist in the
chains of busyness, that
I find myself again.

It’s when I stand still, even for just
a moment, that I win the
prizes of now.

It’s when I am willing not to be too
busy that I really start
to live.

Relationships - The Heart of Success

Today the Success Intelligence team is hosting a half-day master- class on Success Intelligence in the heart of London. Ben Renshaw and I are co-presenting. This event also coincides with a celebration for the launch of our S.I. website this year. One of the themes we will explore today is relationships are the heart of success.

So many of us have grown up with parents who sacrificed themselves for the family, and who sacrificed their relationships with family, friends, and partners for their work. Our challenge is to make sure we do not repeat the same mistakes. Success does require sacrifice. Specifically, it requires sacrificing what is not important for what is. With that in mind, I invite you to read the following inventory, taken from my book Success Intelligence.

In the name of success,
how many bedtime stories am I prepared to miss?

In the name of success,
how many family dinners am I happy to give up?

In the name of success,
how many dates with my partner can I afford to lose?

In the name of success,
how many friendships am I willing to discard?

In the name of success,
how many weekends have I resigned to throw away?

In the name of success,
how many school plays am I prepared to miss?

In the name of success,
how many kisses good bye will I not make time for?

In the name of success,
how many beautiful sunsets together will I sacrifice?

Show Up and Shine

Show Up and Shine
By Avril Carson, Co-Director of Success Intelligence

I love the part in Marianne Williamson’s book A Return to Love where she tells us: “Your playing small doesn’t serve the world”. She talks about liberating ourselves and inspirationally liberating others; this is exactly what my work with ‘Show up and Shine’ is all about.

Isn’t it curious how one human being can glow with what we call ‘charisma’, whilst another human being is hardly noticed?

Most of us have experienced both of these things at different times, and we’ve probably had a whole range of other experiences in between. It is crucial to remember that all of us have the ability to choose how we show up.

“Many years ago I signed up for a 3-day course. As I walked into the room before the course began, I took a decision that was to change my whole experience of the event. The phrase that came into my mind was ‘be a key player’. Not only was it odd that this phrase entered my mind, but I was surprised to find myself purposefully taking a seat in the front row! I started to engage with everyone that came in who wanted to chat. When the course began I asked questions, and when I had a breakthrough, I shared it.
This may sound like ‘no big deal’ to some, but the benefits were way beyond anything I could have imagined. In those 3 days I gave myself a challenge: to live my values on the equality of all human beings, to respect all opinions including my own, and my right to voice them if useful. I was inspired to raise my game. I realised that previously, I had been waiting for everything to feel ‘right’ and for other people to encourage me and I hadn’t ever really thought about what it meant to ‘Show up’ in my life, let alone ‘Shine’.
So when I did show up on that course, I was amazed at people’s positive response, the warmth and appreciation shown to me during the three days. I enjoyed every moment, I soaked up and retained invaluable learning, and made enduring friends.

In my work since then, I have explored communication and how we can become more aware, awake and engaged in order to release our potential to be more engaging and inspiring in all of our relationships.

What if it is true that the whole world actually conspires with us when we choose to ‘Show up and Shine’? What if we can experience a transformation of the world as we know it and that world is waiting for all of us right now?

The first step is to notice, and I suggest with some kindness, what effect you’ve been having. Then, imagine yourself having the courage to create the effect you’d love to have. Kindness is encouraging. It has clarity. Kindness recognises our highest potential. It is not sloppy or sentimental. It is firm and supportive.

Courage is your ticket to ride. Get curious about the impact a human being like you can have, and then just watch what happens to your world!

If you are interested in ‘Show up and Shine’ I am running a 1 day workshop on the 25th June at the Columbia Hotel in London. This work is usually only offered in corporations, so take advantage of this public and open setting. It will be a supportive, positive, honest, encouraging and brilliant space for you to experiment and think deeply about how you too could Show up and Shine whatever the weather!

Click here: www.marianne.com for more on A Return to Love