The More Loving One - by Avril Carson

I’ve been at the Edinburgh festival, steeped in the excitement of all manner of comedy, drama, artistic and creative expression. But something that has stayed with me is Alexander Mc Call Smith quoting a line of Auden: “Let the more loving one be me”. (In fact he answered it to a rather strange question about choosing a line to be tattooed on his hand). I found the poem on the internet as soon as I arrived home and loved the context of the line that preceded it:

“If equal affection cannot be
Let the more loving one be me”

I knew it would not be Auden’s intention to suggest that there could be solace in any moral high ground and superiority in such an intention. But on reading the whole poem it was clear that Auden is speaking profoundly about our daily experience. Indifference, Auden writes, is the least we have to fear and the poem has additional themes to the one I consider here. However, knowing other people will not always like us or love us or even tolerate us, indeed that they may judge us, undermine us and even reject us, Auden reminded me to think again. What if someone else has started an argument? So what if they should have done or said anything differently? Our complicit reactivity, as a friend of mine said recently, is the way that wars begin.

I’ve been taking this very personally and loving the power of the line quoted above whenever I have recalled it to mind. The effects are delightful and heartwarming and as I feel a lighter energy, I’m aware of a profound change. At one level it’s so obvious; we all know the power of this already. It’s at the heart of most of the world religions but as we live out the daily drama, our politics and our personal decisions seem to lose their way. We start to make up a different story, one where there is someone who is right and therefore someone who is wrong. Someone who is more important and therefore someone who is less important, and so on as we then act it all out in a very different drama of recrimination and justification.

So if it’s useful what can we do to remember?
“If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving one be me.”

To read the poem in full, click HERE.

Show Up and Shine

Show Up and Shine
By Avril Carson, Co-Director of Success Intelligence

I love the part in Marianne Williamson’s book A Return to Love where she tells us: “Your playing small doesn’t serve the world”. She talks about liberating ourselves and inspirationally liberating others; this is exactly what my work with ‘Show up and Shine’ is all about.

Isn’t it curious how one human being can glow with what we call ‘charisma’, whilst another human being is hardly noticed?

Most of us have experienced both of these things at different times, and we’ve probably had a whole range of other experiences in between. It is crucial to remember that all of us have the ability to choose how we show up.

“Many years ago I signed up for a 3-day course. As I walked into the room before the course began, I took a decision that was to change my whole experience of the event. The phrase that came into my mind was ‘be a key player’. Not only was it odd that this phrase entered my mind, but I was surprised to find myself purposefully taking a seat in the front row! I started to engage with everyone that came in who wanted to chat. When the course began I asked questions, and when I had a breakthrough, I shared it.
This may sound like ‘no big deal’ to some, but the benefits were way beyond anything I could have imagined. In those 3 days I gave myself a challenge: to live my values on the equality of all human beings, to respect all opinions including my own, and my right to voice them if useful. I was inspired to raise my game. I realised that previously, I had been waiting for everything to feel ‘right’ and for other people to encourage me and I hadn’t ever really thought about what it meant to ‘Show up’ in my life, let alone ‘Shine’.
So when I did show up on that course, I was amazed at people’s positive response, the warmth and appreciation shown to me during the three days. I enjoyed every moment, I soaked up and retained invaluable learning, and made enduring friends.

In my work since then, I have explored communication and how we can become more aware, awake and engaged in order to release our potential to be more engaging and inspiring in all of our relationships.

What if it is true that the whole world actually conspires with us when we choose to ‘Show up and Shine’? What if we can experience a transformation of the world as we know it and that world is waiting for all of us right now?

The first step is to notice, and I suggest with some kindness, what effect you’ve been having. Then, imagine yourself having the courage to create the effect you’d love to have. Kindness is encouraging. It has clarity. Kindness recognises our highest potential. It is not sloppy or sentimental. It is firm and supportive.

Courage is your ticket to ride. Get curious about the impact a human being like you can have, and then just watch what happens to your world!

If you are interested in ‘Show up and Shine’ I am running a 1 day workshop on the 25th June at the Columbia Hotel in London. This work is usually only offered in corporations, so take advantage of this public and open setting. It will be a supportive, positive, honest, encouraging and brilliant space for you to experiment and think deeply about how you too could Show up and Shine whatever the weather!

Click here: www.marianne.com for more on A Return to Love