The More Loving One - by Avril Carson

I’ve been at the Edinburgh festival, steeped in the excitement of all manner of comedy, drama, artistic and creative expression. But something that has stayed with me is Alexander Mc Call Smith quoting a line of Auden: “Let the more loving one be me”. (In fact he answered it to a rather strange question about choosing a line to be tattooed on his hand). I found the poem on the internet as soon as I arrived home and loved the context of the line that preceded it:

“If equal affection cannot be
Let the more loving one be me”

I knew it would not be Auden’s intention to suggest that there could be solace in any moral high ground and superiority in such an intention. But on reading the whole poem it was clear that Auden is speaking profoundly about our daily experience. Indifference, Auden writes, is the least we have to fear and the poem has additional themes to the one I consider here. However, knowing other people will not always like us or love us or even tolerate us, indeed that they may judge us, undermine us and even reject us, Auden reminded me to think again. What if someone else has started an argument? So what if they should have done or said anything differently? Our complicit reactivity, as a friend of mine said recently, is the way that wars begin.

I’ve been taking this very personally and loving the power of the line quoted above whenever I have recalled it to mind. The effects are delightful and heartwarming and as I feel a lighter energy, I’m aware of a profound change. At one level it’s so obvious; we all know the power of this already. It’s at the heart of most of the world religions but as we live out the daily drama, our politics and our personal decisions seem to lose their way. We start to make up a different story, one where there is someone who is right and therefore someone who is wrong. Someone who is more important and therefore someone who is less important, and so on as we then act it all out in a very different drama of recrimination and justification.

So if it’s useful what can we do to remember?
“If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving one be me.”

To read the poem in full, click HERE.

Poem: Prizes of NOW

Hello Monday morning!
It's the start of the week. Just another week, or, maybe a brand new week. Our choice, I imagine. Monday mornings are the perfect time to think again about what is success and what is happiness. Ten minutes is enough to clear the mind, to listen to your heart, and to align yourself with what is truly important. But I urge you to do it before the busyness kicks in and before the daily rush takes you away from yourself. Do it now. To support you in your meditation here is a poem I wrote called "Prizes of NOW."


This constant busyness is not really
my life.

The urge to keep moving forward
is not it either.

The daily schedule is mostly a
distraction, truth be told.

If I was to stop, I mean really stop,
I fear I might lose my way. But I
am already lost.

If I was to stop, I mean totally stop,
I fear I might fall apart. But my
life is already in pieces.

If I was stop, stop, stop,
I fear I might die.
And yet, because I will not stop,
I fear I am not really alive.

It’s in the spaces that exist in the
chains of busyness, that
I find myself again.

It’s when I stand still, even for just
a moment, that I win the
prizes of now.

It’s when I am willing not to be too
busy that I really start
to live.

Relationships - The Heart of Success

Today the Success Intelligence team is hosting a half-day master- class on Success Intelligence in the heart of London. Ben Renshaw and I are co-presenting. This event also coincides with a celebration for the launch of our S.I. website this year. One of the themes we will explore today is relationships are the heart of success.

So many of us have grown up with parents who sacrificed themselves for the family, and who sacrificed their relationships with family, friends, and partners for their work. Our challenge is to make sure we do not repeat the same mistakes. Success does require sacrifice. Specifically, it requires sacrificing what is not important for what is. With that in mind, I invite you to read the following inventory, taken from my book Success Intelligence.

In the name of success,
how many bedtime stories am I prepared to miss?

In the name of success,
how many family dinners am I happy to give up?

In the name of success,
how many dates with my partner can I afford to lose?

In the name of success,
how many friendships am I willing to discard?

In the name of success,
how many weekends have I resigned to throw away?

In the name of success,
how many school plays am I prepared to miss?

In the name of success,
how many kisses good bye will I not make time for?

In the name of success,
how many beautiful sunsets together will I sacrifice?

Show Up and Shine

Show Up and Shine
By Avril Carson, Co-Director of Success Intelligence

I love the part in Marianne Williamson’s book A Return to Love where she tells us: “Your playing small doesn’t serve the world”. She talks about liberating ourselves and inspirationally liberating others; this is exactly what my work with ‘Show up and Shine’ is all about.

Isn’t it curious how one human being can glow with what we call ‘charisma’, whilst another human being is hardly noticed?

Most of us have experienced both of these things at different times, and we’ve probably had a whole range of other experiences in between. It is crucial to remember that all of us have the ability to choose how we show up.

“Many years ago I signed up for a 3-day course. As I walked into the room before the course began, I took a decision that was to change my whole experience of the event. The phrase that came into my mind was ‘be a key player’. Not only was it odd that this phrase entered my mind, but I was surprised to find myself purposefully taking a seat in the front row! I started to engage with everyone that came in who wanted to chat. When the course began I asked questions, and when I had a breakthrough, I shared it.
This may sound like ‘no big deal’ to some, but the benefits were way beyond anything I could have imagined. In those 3 days I gave myself a challenge: to live my values on the equality of all human beings, to respect all opinions including my own, and my right to voice them if useful. I was inspired to raise my game. I realised that previously, I had been waiting for everything to feel ‘right’ and for other people to encourage me and I hadn’t ever really thought about what it meant to ‘Show up’ in my life, let alone ‘Shine’.
So when I did show up on that course, I was amazed at people’s positive response, the warmth and appreciation shown to me during the three days. I enjoyed every moment, I soaked up and retained invaluable learning, and made enduring friends.

In my work since then, I have explored communication and how we can become more aware, awake and engaged in order to release our potential to be more engaging and inspiring in all of our relationships.

What if it is true that the whole world actually conspires with us when we choose to ‘Show up and Shine’? What if we can experience a transformation of the world as we know it and that world is waiting for all of us right now?

The first step is to notice, and I suggest with some kindness, what effect you’ve been having. Then, imagine yourself having the courage to create the effect you’d love to have. Kindness is encouraging. It has clarity. Kindness recognises our highest potential. It is not sloppy or sentimental. It is firm and supportive.

Courage is your ticket to ride. Get curious about the impact a human being like you can have, and then just watch what happens to your world!

If you are interested in ‘Show up and Shine’ I am running a 1 day workshop on the 25th June at the Columbia Hotel in London. This work is usually only offered in corporations, so take advantage of this public and open setting. It will be a supportive, positive, honest, encouraging and brilliant space for you to experiment and think deeply about how you too could Show up and Shine whatever the weather!

Click here: www.marianne.com for more on A Return to Love

Success is a REAL Yes!

Today I (Robert Holden) am giving a 1-day workshop on success intelligence and the inner-life of a leader. The workshop is taking place in Manhattan, and is being hosted by One Spirit. One of the themes I will be exploring is “The Real Yes.”

I believe a leader is anyone who senses the big YES in their belly and immediately goes into labour; I believe a leader is someone who feels the deep YES in their heart and dares to follow it; I believe a leader is everyone who listens to the true YES in their mind and trusts it as their guide; and I believe a leader is who you are when you identify the real YES of your soul and really live it.

Leadership is receptivity; leadership is heartfelt; leadership is listening; leadership is being who you really are. So what is your real YES? What is it that you really say YES to?

On this note, I offer you something I once wrote called “The Real Yes.”Yes!

I took a chance.
And, yes,
I took a risk.

And, yes,
I gave it a go,
And, yes helped me
get past "No."

I can,
I know I can.
I'm able,
I know I'm able.

I will,
I know I will.
No longer am I
standing still.

I heard myself say,
"but," and "no," and "won't,"
"maybe," and "if," and "only,"
and "shan't", but it was "Yes!"
that got me past "can't."

"Yes" brought out the best in me.
I said "Yes!"
A real "Yes!"

Coaching Success – Practical wisdom for experiencing Genuine Success.

by Ben Renshaw - Co Director of Success Intelligence 

The current economic crisis has turned up the heat on individuals, teams and organisations needing to find new ways of working smarter. Whether I’m running Senior Leadership Development Programs for IHG, the largest hospitality company in the world, coaching Executives at Sky, the number 1 provider of entertainment in the UK, or training Head Teachers in the Scottish Borders to become great coaches, I have found that the most effective way of helping people create new solutions is through the power of coaching.

I have identified 12 qualities for Coaching Success based on the 4 Intelligences that underpin the work of Success Intelligence – PQ (the energy of success); EQ (the heart of success); IQ (the psychology of success); and SQ (the spirit of success). The following are three of these qualities, which are particularly relevant in these unpredictable times:

1. Managing energy well for enjoying sustainable success. I’ve just returned from a very restful holiday in Thailand. It never ceases to amaze me how much rest I need to catch up with after the exertions of my regular workload and looking after my two young kids! When the pressure is on the ability to renew energy becomes even more important. It enables you to think clearly, be decisive, communicate well, and take smart moves. Coaching Action: What do you need to get re-energized? Commit to 3 actions that will improve your energy.
2. Engaging authentically through openness and honesty. Probably the biggest cause of wasted time and energy in organisations is due to the lack of openness and honesty in conversation. A client recently summoned the courage to tell his CEO that the organisation was not demonstrating enough hunger for creating sales and cited numerous examples of competitors who were taking the lead in new ways to attract custom. The CEO asked him why he hadn’t shared this opinion earlier. The client had to admit that the last time he gave direct feedback to colleagues the CEO had told him to stop putting down his peers and was therefore cautious about doing it again. By not speaking up we place a high risk of failing to address key issues. As Alan Weber, the editor of the Harvard Business Review said ‘Conversations are the new form of work’. Coaching Action: Who do I need to be more honest with? What do I need to say? When will I have this important conversation
3. Being vision led by having a clear definition of success. A key principle of Success Intelligence is, ‘Your definition of success influences every other significant decision in your life’. Now more than ever before we need to work out what real success means for us. Traditionally people have associated success with financial accomplishment and a position, e.g. being the biggest, largest, fastest etc. One of the opportunities emerging out of the global meltdown is to redefine success. I got a real surprise at the beginning of this year when I asked a client about his definition of success for 2009. Historically he had been very focused on hitting targets and beating the competition. He said that the current climate had forced him to think deeply about what really matters and he identified 3 key things as measures of success – people, development and philanthropy. Coaching Action: What is your definition of success? Schedule time to clarify success in your work, life and relationships.

Be Happy - Available NOW in US

We are delighted to announce the publication of Robert Holden's new book Be Happy. While the official launch date is April 15th, the book is available now on Amazon.com and also in bookstores across America.

To celebrate the launch of Be Happy,  publishers Hay House have published a Be Happy film on You Tube.

Hay House has also issued an E-blast with a number of generous offers on it. For example:

If you order Be Happy now you will be entered to win two full-conference tickets to see Robert Holden live at the I CAN DO IT! San Diego Conference on May 1-3, 2009 (including hotel accommodations for two nights). You can also enter to win access to Robert Holden's Be Happy eight-week online workshop starting on April 15 or the Be Happy Abridged Audio Book 6-CD Set. Winners will be chosen on Apr 13!

Also if you order Be Happy between April 2 and April 30 you will receive gifts from Hay House and sponsors, including: (1) Free access to Lesson #1 of Robert Holden's Be Happy eight-week online workshop ($20 value) and (2) Audio excerpts from the Be Happy Audio Book ($5.95 value).